I told the Ogre I would help him wrap Christmas. If you know me, you know this is an empty promise. I hate wrapping gifts. I hate even edges, and bows, and tape. Really? Do you need that much tape? Then I get all "why do we have to buy gifts in December? I love you and want to buy crap that you don't want year round!"
So, I said I would help wrap. But my secret plan was to just be upstairs with the Ogre while he did all the work. What was I planning on doing during this time of joyous holiday cheer? I was planning on doing some home hair removal.
Oh, yes. I can grow a goatee, a fu manchu or a full lumberjack beard.
While the Ogre wrapped, I waxed. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I waxed. The 'stache, the goatee, and the unibrow. Dearest, dear Pigs. You are blessed. You will have full beards when you are 13.
Happy Holidays, and Merry Beardmas. If you love me, you will get me an electrolysis session.