Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Ultimate Survival Tool

I give you, the ultimate zombie fighting tool...

No, crap. It's actually labeled The Ultimate Survival Tool in the Gaiam Catalog. I know you've seen other travel shovels, uh, survival tools before, but this, this is THE ULTIMATE. I'm going to see if Jackie and Marshall will cough up the 20 bucks to help me protect the world. I might save a life with this. The life I save may be yours.

Finally, an all-in-one zombie fighting tool. This heavy-duty steel tool is 8 tools in 1. It has a shovel, hammer, saw, hatchet, bottle opener, nail puller, and a wrench. Unscrew the built-in calibrated compass to find an emergency survival kit in a waterproof bag. Included are matches, fishhooks and line, nails, rum and more. The one tool you'll need for zombie slaying, backpacking, gardening, or in your car for those unforeseen emergencies, like an escape from a government research facility. Comes with a snap-on carrying case. China.

Apparently, China is over run with zombies. I'm sure they've been doing all sorts of creepy research that's lead to "medical waste" aka zombies. I mean really, would a whole civilization need that much martial arts if they weren't fighting something? Plus the wall. Really, just keeping people out, or dead people out? You tell me.

Now, you all know I get a little edgy around Halloween, what with all the people in costume.

The fun loving hippie side of me is all Peace and Love, have a good time. Where's Phil Lesh hanging out these days? He was always such a sweet guy.

So, I have a really hard time this time of year. I don't know if I'm supposed to be Abbie Hoffman, or the Terminator.

Knitting? Knitting? It's all skulls, crossbones, zombies and shovels...oooops, I didn't mean to tell you that.

I think I'm going to start a knitting counterculture.


tracyb said...

skulls and crossbones are sure to scare away any real zombies, so just make sure you have your knitting when you are passing out candy or taking the pigs trick or treating!

Linda said...

This looks like required equipment for every Zombie Slayer!

Carina said...

I totally want that. I need it. I need it in my car, you know, just in case.