Thursday, November 15, 2007

Zombie Prom Date Knitters Road Show

Zombie Prom Date Knitters at Barnes and Noble was a success! We had fun, and we did not get kicked out. Which, always surprises me. Let's face it, we're loud.

Poor Grandma and Grandchild choose to sit near my sacred mocha, soy, no whip. It took 3 minutes of this conversation about my toilet to scare them away...

Me: Yes, the forces of evil have decided that the latest way to punish me is to put dead birds in the poop shoot thing on my roof.

Linda/Shelly: The swamp gas vent?

Me: Eh?

Shelly: (Pushes up glasses, arranges cardigan, pulls out pipe, straightens frame her PhD paper will live in) You see Holly, when you flush the toilet the poo goes down to the septic tank, but the stinky stench smell has to be vented elsewhere.

Linda: Yeah. The swamp gas vent.

Me: Ah, well, ours is not only super large to accommodate Ogre sized swamp gas, perched precariously atop our creepy Munster's family style roof, but also possibly stuffed with a family of black birds.

Shelly: Did you give the plumber a wink and a wiggle?

The granny and kid left at the mention of flirtation. Poop and dead birds they were fine with. I was also not a frightening figure with yarn, a mocha, no dinner and pointy needles.

Trust me, do not leave your children with me. I left my Pigs at home for a reason, I needed some swearing time. I am not a free babysitting service. I may look all soccer mom, but I curse worse than all the Navy guys I know and I slay zombies on the side. Do you really want your young girl to learn things like that from me.

You're right, you should have your youth sit by me, the world would be a more understanding place full of peace, love, and free trade chocolate. Also universal health care, and a better postal system. Crap, this is falling into the...49thdimension.

Why did I have no dinner? Because the ding bat at Starbucks was too stupid to understand "grande mocha, soy, no whip. I'd also like a spinach and artichoke strata." She even asked if I wanted it for here or to go. I said for here. She then gave me my drink in a to go cup and charged me $3.75.

Why did I not complain or speak up? I told the Ogre I wouldn't start any crap with anyone while I was out. Plus I had just got there, and I really hate cold drinks, and Starbucks in the B&N tends to make their drinks a bit on the cool side of coffee. End of story. I promised to be nice, and I carried through. Plus, I think the stench of my septic tank was still turning me off the idea of food. Poo and food don't mix. Plus, how old was that strata? All I really wanted was a veggie omelet and a stack of cakes. And I wonder why I always have syrup in my hair.

What am I getting at?

Barnes and Noble in Portage is not up to Zombie Prom Date Knitter at Night Standards. Oh, no.

Uncomfy seats, cramped area, no good food, questionable opportunities for the alternate universe to kick in. But the cool thing was we saw my buddy John and his little brother.

Shout out to John, fellow knitter and my regular chaperon. Pig in photo is my pig 1, not John's little brother. This is when John chaperoned us to the HP release party! No humans were shived that evening. We did get one dementor that night.

This action is going to a brewpub or a cool coffee shop. Uh, huh.

So, 2nd Wednesday in December, we are scouting out new locations...

Olde Peninsula-comfy seats, good food. I've knit there.

Bell's-Again with the beer, but the food is cheap. Plus, the beer is good. It's also close to Battle Creek for those who are driving from there.

Water Street Coffee Joint
-Oakland Drive-Comfy Seat, good food.

Koffee Klutch
-Galesburg. Central location for the Creekers and the Kalmazooers. I also hear they have good eats.

Arcadia Brewing-In the Creek, the have beer, and greasy pizzas.

I have also considered the option that the 2nd Wednesday could be a mobile knit night. That way we wouldn't be a burden on the same place all the time. We would also get the chance to annoy new places, and maybe try pancakes, beer or coffee from exotic new locals.


Kristina B said...

You wrote: I may look all soccer mom...

[checking top of page to make sure I'm actually on "knit with snot"!)

?!?!? Soccer moms must have morphed since I last saw some...

[but I curse worse than all the Navy guys I know and I slay zombies on the side.]

We should have a contest sometime. Do you want to learn some greek cursewords to add to your arsenal...? Keep up the good work chasing children with toilet talk!

Beware the 49th Dimension!!!!

Off to the LYS at 10 (soon as it opens). Starting a funky MDK related project this weekend. Stay tuned...

Holly Bee said...

Oh, I'd love new swears!!!

I'm a hip Mom, but still, I look Mom like. I need my haircut, real bad.