OK! RIGHT! STAT!
You know all the things that have gone wrong, but the one thing that I have failed to mention is the icing on the cake. The creme de la creme de la poo poo. I lost my wallet.
But it's sort of funny, because I sort of do this annually. Yes, annually, and the week when the Ogre is at his Zombie Slaying Field Training. Nice, eh?
So, no spare house key, because that's in my wallet. No drivers liscence because that's in my wallet.
Oh, don't worry, I've been driving with my passport and my "you need to go renew your licscene, take a test and get a new photo and pay us money" thing. Totally legal I'm sure. As long as I get pulled over by officer likes the Pixies again.
I've been ordering pizza on good credit. Oh, yeah, the pizza place worships the house of Ogre. We may be their best customers.
Oooh, my sweet Ogre is home. And he brought donuts.
Wallet found...near vacuum cleaner. Again, my least likely place to look.