Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I shouldn't even try to label this crap

Pig 3 and I had his Pumpkin Patch/Apple Orchard Field trip yesterday. If you are going to volunteer to take a bunch of snot monsters on a field trip, go with the late show.

I tell you, those PM Moms are not all freaky "My Daughter's going to be a gymnast/Senator/Cheerleader, HEY! My kid gets the first donut" type.

Really, it was a laid back, overalls and boots crowd. I even found a lady with a spouse who was on an obsessive Tie Dye kick to rival the one I had been on a few years back. Ah, yes Kristina, the very day we talk about yarn dying and how I can never start due to my court order which states....

blah, blah, blah, is to stay 20 feet away from tie dye kits at craft stores, rit dye at grocery, fabric, or building supply centers, may not order from catalogs containing said items, may not partake in activities which involve dyes, dying, or food coloring.

Yeah, the Pigs don't get to dye eggs in the spring. That's right, it's a serious problem, there was counseling.

It all started...que the fog machine and the flashback...because the Pigs are pigs, and the Ogre and I fight the Epic Battle, which happens to be messy, which leads to hippies, and what do hippies wear? Tie Dye. Why? It hides dirt.

Which reminds me of my favorite joke.

How do you hid money from a hippie?

You put it under the soap.

I used to live in my car in California. Please don't tell the Ogre, I don't know if he knows that, or for how long, actually, he may think I made that up. No, I never met Jewel, that I know of.

Anyway, I figured before Pig 2 came along I would just Tie Dye up all Pig 1's old baby clothes to hide the stains. Also, that way if the ultrasound was wrong I would have unisex clothes for the new baby pig.

Let's just say, instead of a yarn stash, I used to have a Tie Dye Stash. The Ogre used to complain that it gave him nightmares because he was in such a brightly colored house. Especially since his favorite color has been known to be "clear" for many years, with black a close second.

Even the Ogres soccer socks, his soccer towel, our Grange Pancake Tent Aprons, our 4th of July Parade uniforms, and of course all the baby clothes both old and new were rainbow colored. I mean if you're going to Tie Dye, you might as well Tie Dye, right?

As for the knitting! This is from the first night of knitting. Much further now, I did knit through swimming and Scout meeting. Well, except when I was learning the secret hand shake and yelling along with table 2 (which my pig wasn't even sitting at) so that they could get snack first. Hey, table 2 had no parents, and no helpers and the kids were stinky, they needed me. I might make a difference! Yes, table 2 will be deaf and chubby! No, I helped them with their badge work.

Anyway, I think I can finish this if I put off grocery shopping for another week. But I think even the Pigs are getting sick of eating pancakes. Me, formerly the World's Worst Vegetarian, what have I been eating for dinner? BEEF JERKY!!! It'll go bad if no one eats it and that would be wasting, and wasting is worse than it being, well dead in the first place. Plus, it's the super hot kind from Stubby's and no one else will eat it so it's all up to me. So I also have to admit my dinners have been Beef Jerky and Ghirardelli Chocolates left over from Valentines Day. Why? What do you do when you eat flaming hot beer jerky, I don't drink milk, ice cream and beef jerky is gross. I can't drink beer. So, chocolate it is.


Jen said...

I love beef jerky, I hate milk and I love brightly colored anything. I think we're long lost siblings.

Holly Bee said...

I think we could be! We also have a long lost sibling up in Canada! Brouhaha knits-check it out!

Melissa said...

HOW could there be chocolate leftover from VALENTINE's!?????? It's....October. lol

Melissa said...

I'm signed in the wrong gmail account again...

Holly Bee said...

It was hidden, secret lost chocolate! It was behind pinto beans!!!

DomesticOverlord said...

My dh is still working on Easter candy but Valentine's is pretty damned impressive.

I have been subsisting on Tootsie Rolls and leftover pasta of some kind for three days because I've been on a tear (writing, knitting voodoo dolls, the usual). Perhaps the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars? At least, that would explain all the tie dye.

And in SoCal living in a car is basically necessary unless you have assloads of cash. In fact when someone tells you they have a "studio apartment" what they really mean is "Dodge Neon".

Holly Bee said...

I was living large in a 1986 Chrysler Lebaron (no sunroof) with another human and a dog. I did manage to make room for a statue of buddha!

You know, I still have that statue, it's in my front lawn right now.

That's also when I started The Ugly Blanket!!! My brother has it now (though he can no longer work on it.) It's an enormous crochet blanket of Salvation Army yarn and crazy stitches. The only rule: it's only to be worked on while one is unemployed.

Kristina B said...

Jen, do you like Diet Coke as well? If so, welcome to the Society for Sisters of ... hmm, can't think of a name right now.

I must confess, though, that I prefer Bridgford sliced dry pepperoni to beef jerky (and I'm not convinced that either really count as "meat", Holly).

But now you've got to tell me, what alleged behaviour resulted in a court order forbidding you to buy dye? Hmm. Did you throw paint over a politician, for example? ;-)

Kristina B said...

Oh - PS Domestic Overlord: Tootsie rolls and leftover pasta... together, or separate? With the seeming new craze for cocoa in just about every type of food (or at least, this is what I obverse when strolling by uber expensive restaurants I would never eat at, and perusing their menus while wondering why anyone would pay $55.00 for a plate of flank steak), it strikes me that you might fare very well opening a restaurant (in Toronto, at least) with the signature dish of gemelli con rolli di tutsi with pomegranate ganache.


Holly Bee said...

Ok, so should I sprinkle tootsie rolls and beef jerky over my pasta tonight when I serve the pigs?

I made it to the grocery! No knit gifts, pure hand me downs!