Thursday, September 20, 2007

And I thought Zombies were Bad

This very rarely happens, and when it does, things get ugly. Like end of the world, pack up all of our belongings drive off the top of the Michigan map and cosy into the Canadian map, end of the world ugly. Which does involve the Mighty Mac and Canada holding up through the end of the world but they will! They will!

(I do realize there is more MI before Canada, but I am making the point that there is a big chunk o' water with the world's 3rd largest suspension bridge in between the land masses that needs crossed first. I know Michigan, uh, a little.)

Because like the Mackinaw Bridge and Canada, some things are special and always supposed to be there when you need them. Today, when I needed it though, something wasn't there. I reached into the fridge and was out of


It's like not having the right sized needles and your yarn store being out of stock and them telling you they can order them and it will take 3 weeks. Or an onslaught of zombies are coming down the street and the handle to your trusty shovel breaks.

Your probably wondering, "But what about Pig 3 and the Ear, Nose Throat Dr, and why the whole thing with the Diet stupid Coke?"

Well, of course he's getting his accursed tonsils out! I was sent to a surgeon, that's what they do. He was all "It says in Pig 3's chart that his regular Dr tried to get you to bring him in back in May, and you refused. Whaaahaaahaaa!!! It also says here they are sick of seeing you in the office...very curious. Let's yank those tonsils."

Ok, it wasn't quite like that, but it was close. After that, I asked Pig 3 if he wanted to go out and get a beer. He said "suure."

So, I can't drink anymore, and we went and got chips and sodas. Diet Coke right, and he actually had one of those fruity waters, because well, he's one of those oatmeal for breakfast healthy eating kids.

I wanted to be all Scarlet O'Hara's friend Miss Pitty Pat or whatever her name was and faint, when we got home, and just couldn't do it. So I crafted. I finished my first potato sack dress, knitted a hat, snuggled my pigs, drank some more Diet Coke, longed for donuts, yelled at the Ogre for being an idiot about the location of the eyeglasses place that I just went to who did take our insurance, made tuna noodle casserole for a nonexistant army, and wanted a bison burger and beef jerky real bad, but settled for a veggie hoagie and had a Diet Coke, then went to bed at 10.

Then this morning in a Diet Coke hang over, I reached in the fridge for my crutch, or hair of the Diet Coke dog, golly, the 12 pack was empty, go figure. I ran to the basement for back up and, well, I had drank the back up too.

As, I write this, and worry about the Mighty Mac and Canada, I think I better check on my favorite shovel, eat some food and head to the store to score some Diet Coke. Or realize that Pig 3 will not be so darn sick once he gets the stupid tonsils out, and I may have to consider calling him Sugar Baby instead of Booger Baby.


lora said...

I feel your Diet Cokeless pain. I, too, have been afflicted with a related disorder: UnMountain Dewitis. I also sympathise with your cute little snotcicle. "My name is Lora, and I'm a mouth-breather". Or at least I was until I turned 32 and found out I was allergic to milk. It didn't do my body good.

Kristina B said...

Horrors - running out of diet coke! I'm near that perilous state myself (except for some black cherry vanilla weird version, which I abhor and drink only in dire emergencies).

I am such a moron - when you said "Mighty Mac" I assumed you meant the requisite road trip stop at McDonalds, aka Rotten Ronnie's!