We all win when the Ogre cooks

I think the title says it all.  I'm relaxing with a nice cold oberon (it's beer, I'm not licking fairies), while the Ogre makes goulash. 

 

There is no smoke, no swearing and no fear of bodily harm.  Just a nice, wholesome, home cooked  dinner.

Now, for exciting news...My uke has arrived!!  I will be irritating you with ukulele info, and posting my atrocious talents to youtube nonstop from here on out.  Ok, as soon as Marty can bring it over and learn me up on some music.

I swear to you, I will be as quirky as Shelly from Raising Hope asap!

Really, press her neck, she'll sing.

Kindle, the gift that keeps on returning

Out of insane random, I bought Kindles for a few members of my family.  Don't worry, I'm not running a fly by night dog breeding operation or pyramid scheme here.  It's more of a "I hate being told when to give gifts, so here...have a kindle!"  Plus, I've got that job, so, I'm trying to stimulate the economy.

After my 5th ereader purchase, (I did sell some books to pay for the last one) I kind of wore myself down and decided I wanted one too.


Last week, I had a list.  At the top it said my sweet, sweet boyfriend's name...Target.  Below that it said, cd-r
mailing envelopes (I said I sold some books) (Oooh, uh, our post office has real CRAP hours-they close for lunch and are opened for like 3 hours on Sat)
kindle?

Sadly, I was under a time crunch, and I didn't get to fully enjoy Target.  I had to run in, get my crap, pay at the electronics desk, if I decided to go the way of the kindle, and get out. 

If you work at Target, you wear a red shirt.  If you don't work at Target, it is recommended that you do not browse while wearing a red shirt. 

Being in a hurry, I chased down the first red shirt I saw.  I got lucky, the guy really did work there.  I said "Are you the one I need to see about getting a kindle?
He replied "Yes, I am the keymaster."
We talked for awhile about Gozer and such, and then he said "what kind of Kindle do you want."  At this point I said "I'd like the $139 one."

I was really begining to get sick of all the key words and gate keepers and code talk.  I think it showed because he said "here's the deal.  I just got a return in.  A grand daughter bought a kindle for her grand mother.  The G daughter charged it all up, showed the G Ma how to use it, and as soon as the G daughter left, the G Ma returned it for the cash.  It's $90."

I bought it.  Then I felt like shit for pushing kindles on everyone.  But hell, if they were returning them, someone else got a hell of a deal.

La Z boy or I'll cut ya

I have a chair.  It's not much but it's my chair.  We got it when Pig 2 was a week old.  That makes it almost 9 years old.  It also makes it a place that me, Pig 1, Pig 2 and Pig 3 have spent a lot of time.

Like our oven, washer, dryer and dishwasher, it's now a piece of shit.  It's got springs sticking out the back, the fabric is worn through, and if you dare use the arm rests, you will be infected with whatever communicable disease the prior person sitting in the chair has due to needle stick.  Really, if you come over, make sure you've had a recent tetanus shot.

So, it's not much, but it's my chair.  So when you sit your ass in my chair, remember, it's called my chair for a reason...IT'S MY FREAKING CHAIR!   This implies that your ass should not be in my chair. 

Me and my chair, we've spent time.  Which brings me to another quote from the Swayze.  "If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love."
This is especially true if doing what I love is sitting in my freaking chair. 

Other enlightening quotes from the MUST NOT MISS film Point Break-

Surfing's the source man...It'll change your life,  swear to God.
I'm not gonna paddle my way to New Zealand!

Besides not sitting the funk in my chair, I suggest you watch Stand by Me...it'll change your life. 

The Pizza was delicious

We not only had Erbelli's fundraiser pizza, had the Ogre's parents over, BUT we also got our dishwasher duct taped back together. 

It was like a perfect evening. 

Pizza, Scouts, Saving Me from Me

Tomorrow is the day!  Erbelli's Pizza fundraiser!

20% of all food sales will be donated to Scout Troop #251


I may seem overly excited about this, but we're having some kitchen issues.  Uh, more than our normal kitchen issues. 

Our oven has been broken for several years.  Yes, several.  It's also part of a lawsuit.  The oven, law suit.  We used to get updates about how our oven was fairing in the suit, but I think the suit is over, and all ovens are expected to have been scrap heaped by now.

Adding to kitchen woes is my complete lack of attention when it comes to cooking.  I burn things, I serve raw chicken, I forget things in the microwave, leave and cook stickers on veg.  Once, the Pigs were being watched by Em and Crystal.  E & C decided to make cookies with the Pigs.  They got the big kitchen aid mixer out.  The Pigs asked if it was going to explode.  Why?  Because when I am in the kitchen, it's dangerous.


Now, the dishwasher is broken.

So triple HURRAY!!! for Erbelli's!!

Today Pig 1 was signed up to help the Boy Scouts collect news papers.  They were short a grown up, so, of course I stayed to help.  There's nothing I like better than being a good role model to my Pigs.

This is another time we froze

 
Ok, I do enjoy having warm toes, copious amounts of coffee, and a slow lazy Saturday better, but, again, one for the team.

Luckily for you and me, and the Scouts, a super easy fundraiser is coming up!

March 23rd (That's this Wednesday)
Erbelli's on Portage road will donate 20% of all sales to Scout Troop 251.

If you are local, please consider making Wednesday your Erbelli's Pizza Night.  I'm tired of doing all of these outdoor fundraisers. Plus, they have really good pizza.

Fickle is as fickle does. Dude, I'm Fickle

I'M BACK!!

I actually say I'm back a lot.  Like I'm back in the saddle, or back on or off the wagon.  I hang out by the wagon so often, I don't know if on or off is the good one.

But for now I'm saying I'm back on blogger.

Keep your children and the good china away from me...I'm a menace.

Pigs are barfing, and I'm happy

Yes, I've got some barfing Pigs.  No, no, don't feel bad.  There are plenty of horrible things going on in the world right now, don't worry about the Pigs.

You see, the reason I'm happy is because normally, the Pigs barf while we are on vacation.

Our family has a long list of vacation locations and beloved places to barf.

At Disney, Pig 2 likes to barf at the Animal Kingdom, oh, and on the bus to Animal Kingdom. He especially likes to the bushes at the Polynesian resort.  They provide a lot of cover.

[caption id="attachment_4298" align="aligncenter" width="150" caption="They barfed all over that Magic Kingdom"][/caption]

 

Pig 3, he likes to barf in the comfort of Disney resort beds.  A yes, they are not only plush and comfy, but also barf-tastic!

Don't worry Midwest!  We love to barf at your vacation wonderlands too!

Oh, Chicago, ye olde barfy city!

Aquariums, zoos, hotel rooms and hot dog stands...NONE of you are safe from Pig 1 and his mad barfing skills!

Right now, we are planning to go, nay, drive to Florida to visit PK and Dan.  I want this barfing to stop, before we get on the road.  Just this once.  Ok, not just this once.  Let's start a new vacation tradition, one that doesn't involve barfing.

 

Running, it's still ugly

I complain, I bitch, I moan, and yes, there are tears, but here I am again, running.

[caption id="attachment_4290" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Snotty, Deborah, and Dan"][/caption]

We all learned from Zombieland that rule 1 is Cardio.  Sadly, that skinny little zombie apocalypse survivor started out with taller, and shall we call them, more athletic genes.  I spent Saturday internally hating genetics.  I mentioned to Deborah my newly fueled hate was toward my short genetics and she said, "ah, the hate that lasts a lifetime."

This conversation happened during a 1/2 mile span.  It's difficult to hate, talk, breath and run.

After the running, I got a massage!  My massage school buddies were out fulfilling part of their Specialty Massage Class requirements!  You should have seen the look of shock on their faces when they saw me.  Oh, not because I was there, I'm always showing up unexpectedly.  No, they were shocked because they thought I was running the full Kalamazoo Marathon.

Yeah, uh, no.  2 miles of sort of running is enough to make me cry, no marathon for me.  As it turns out, without a shovel, I am zombie fodder.

As for knitting, I continue to do what I call knitting.  You know, start something, work diligently on it for a week, then chuck it behind the chair.

Currently behind the chair is a baby sweater with no arms, a really short afghan (like a blanket, not a short person from Afghanistan) plus a super small start to the Chaos Swirls knit along shawl that the ZPDK have embarked on.  I embarked too, but I'm currently using a life boat.

Florida-Of Course there were Adventures!

Here I am at Cocoa Beach!



We were going to stop by Ron Jon Surf Shop.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even if you are from the frozen Tundra of the North, you know about Ron Jon.  Especially if you drove.  I believe the first "VISIT ICONIC RON JON SURF SHOP" signs begin at the Indiana border.

We didn't end up going, we decided to hunt alligators instead.  I was a little worried because I had eaten some gator the night before.

[caption id="attachment_4258" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Gator Fear"][/caption]

My Mom has eaten a lot of Gator in her time.  She was really nervous about Reptile Revenge.  It's a real thing.

This is a mural in lovely downtown Cocoa.

Please note the guy sticking it to the chick in the yellow dress.  I didn't realize that in the early days of Cocoa, you could get busy in front of the whole damn town.  Ok, honestly, it took the parents 5 minutes to get me to stop laughing at this mural.  If you get a chance to see it in person, I was NOT the one who added the handle bar mustaches on many of the town's citizens.  Although, I highly approved of their additions.

Remember how I have such a sweet job that I dropped out of massage school to further pursue my love of science?  At Forensic Fluids, I do drug testing.  One of the drugs we get requests to test for is...K2 or Spice.

Hey!  Don't buy it!  It's illegal, you'll lose your job if I catch you!

 

Here I am with a falsely tall Ponce de Leon at the Fountain of Youth.  He was really only 4'11" tall.  He made Napoleon feel tall.  No, really.  Napoleon was like 5'6".   So, here's my note to you, if you want tall kids, don't include leon in their name.

You may be asking yourself "where the hell is the photo of Holly at the fountain of youth?"

I'll tell you why, I was too cheap to pay the $10 to get in.  PK and I hung out in the parking lot, got our photo ops and then, well...I used the bathroom and drank a swig of Fountain of Youth water from the sink.  It's got to be the same damn well.

You know I'm a super science nerd...but you may need some explanation with the hat, the sweater and the umbrella.

We drove to Titusville to watch the Shuttle Discovery make it's final flight into space.

Ok, that's from the Kennedy Space Center's web site.  Much like the water in the bathroom at the Fountain of Youth, we took the adventurous route, rather than the pricey route.

[caption id="attachment_4285" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="We still saw it and you didn't"][/caption]

We waited for 3 hours in Kennedy Point Park's parking lot.  I didn't realize how important parking lots would be to me while in Florida.   It was a lot like being at a Grateful Dead show.  Lot's of people, no bathrooms.  I kept expecting someone to pass a joint.

I was shocked, in awe, amazed and holding back tears.  It, along with the miracle of birth, was like the most amazing thing I have ever been a part of.  I felt love toward everyone in the parking lot, the astronauts, space travel and Arthur C. Clarke.

We heard the roar of the take off, saw the fuel tanks separate, then they were gone.

After that, the crowd slowly dispersed.  Most of us were dazed and kept looking back up at the sky.  We shut down the highway.  It was amazing.

After all that adventure, what I wanted most was to share it with the Ogre and the Pigs.