Monday, November 08, 2010

To wake, or to contact?

The Ogre has been worrying about my ability to wake up in the morning.  It has been my goal, since having the Pigs, to sleep in until 8 am.  Due to this grand desire, I tend to sleep pretty aggressively.  Yes, aggressively.

The room must be dark.  Dark like a night in the woods.  It must be silent.  Ok, all noises made by humans, dogs, cats, will be ignored.  Zombies, werewolves, clicking, water running or bunnies being eaten by coyotes will be responded to.  Often with a shovel.

The Ogre has been traveling for work.  Here is a partial list of things that stress him out:

  • House will burn down

  • Furnace will stop working

  • Furnace will stop working and house will burn down

  • Holly will ignore the alarm, everyone will be late for work/school


Sure, a normal person gets an alarm.  I killed my last two alarms.  Oddly enough, I beat the crap out of them when they made loud noises before 8 am.

Because of the previously mentioned travel, and the list of fears, the search for an alarm clock, no a sturdy alarm clock, was on.

I considered the Moonbeam Clock from L.L.Bean.



It's sleek design, and L.L. Bean's liberal return policy  made it seem like an excellent choice.  Sadly, while reading the reviews, the moonbeam clock was noted as having "a freakishly loud tick for an electric clock."

Ok, I can't possibly have a clock that sounds like the dislocated arm of a hunchbacking zombie.  I'd be all full alert and never get any sleep.

Soo, to ease the Ogre's mind, I decided "Yes!  I will get an alarm clock!  The perfect alarm clock that can charge my ipod, and wake me up!  That way the Ogre won't have to worry."

Here is my perfect alarm clock...

This is the ihome blah, blah, alarm clock ipod charger, with awesome music wake up.

Actually, it's so cool it has 2 alarm time presents!

Ok, notice that large blue display area?  That is actually NOT a time telling device, but an alien landing strip guidance light.  Yes, from space, intelligent life forms can see this light, home in on it's amazing ipod charging frequency and, and, keep me the hell from getting a good night sleep.

So, if you work for SETI, I suggest investing in one of these clocks.  If you'd like to save electricity and not turn on your lights while getting dressed, again, this clock is for you.

If, IF, you want to sleep in a dark, peaceful room, DON'T BUY THIS CLOCK.*

*Please note:  This is meant as a humorous post.  The ihome alarm clock is actually AWESOME.  It does have a dimmer function.  It has three brightness settings:  Alien landing signal, Read a book by, Hey! Look a clock!, and NO LIGHT.

Go, buy the clock.  It charges, it plays and makes sweet, sweet love to your ipod every night.

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Throw a layer (or five) of post-its over top of that annoying blue light. Our computers emit that same blue light that burrows into my brain when I try to sleep, so we cover them up.

knitwithsnot said...

I've been using a bandanna, aka snot rag, to dim the evil. Sadly, the cat's ass knocks it off at night. I think the post-its may work better! Here's to a good night's sleep.

Linda P said...

ARGH! The TV we have in the bedroom has a very small blue light. Know what it's function is? To let you know the damn thing is PLUGGED IN!!! Awesome. Frickin' makes me nuts!

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