Monday, October 20, 2008

Unbelievable Things!

Alternate universe?

Smoking something?

I don't know, but some surely unbelievable things have been happening lately. Don't fret, I of course took photos.


So, the messed up UNBELIEVABLE starts with myself and the 3 Pigs trying to stop by the local Krispy Kreme to score some donuts (no letter U, if you're going to spell Krispy Kreme like this, it's donuts all the way.)

Have you ever seen a boarded up Krispy Kreme, even in a war zone?

NO! You have not. They keep the donut places open in a war zone to give the troops hope. We are now without hope. There was another Mom parked next to me with a teenaged boy in the passenger seat of her mini van. She had her head on her steering wheel, sobbing, and her son was consoling her.

IT'S NOT OK PEOPLE.

So, why the donuts, why the emotional trauma?

Shelly's moving, to Washington, STATE. That's far away. I was planning on getting fabulously fat and wallow in my self pity.










Instead, I called in some recruits



and Tom Saywered them into working on some home repairs to get the Monkey Juggler


and her man out of their house, and into a better place


No we didn't give them the shovel,

or a shove


or a boost


or a kick.



We just made this





into this...


Then to add to the unbelievable...the Ogre comes back from State Grange and he says "you won 3rd place in knitting." (The socks, pattern by me, did not place.)



I was like "Ok, what got 1st and 2nd?"



He took photos to show me...mistake on his part. Now the world is filled with fluffy pink hate.


DEAR MICHIGAN STATE GRANGE,


You can stick your knitting/crocheting women's (which is completely sexist by the way) activities up your Fraternal Order, because I will no longer be participating.


Sincerely,


Holly B.

-They don't call me knit with snot for nothing


Also, to those who have been scorned by stupid contests that they were forced to enter, the Zombie Prom Date Knitters will be hosting a knitting/crocheting contest in the near future.


All afghans entered will be immediately disqualified and donated to charity.

There will be a hand spun, hand knit and completely FAB category

Also a HOLY CRAP I CAN'T believe that wasn't made by ANGELS category

Plus a Made more than 20 years ago, but man this is cool category.


NO ribbons will be awarded. Just the glory that you are appreciated for your talents and not looked down upon for not being related to one of the judges or in possesion of yarn other than Red Heart.


This post brought to you by left over teen angst, anti establishment feelings, damn the man, hate towards men, fraternal orders, and the united states of america. Viva la revolucion!

9 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Do you mean to tell me that I will never get to take part in a sleep over at the Big Pink Victorian?

Holly Bee said...

We may be able to hold her kicking and screaming here for a few more months...

I'll see if I can arrange something, special, just for you.

Oh great, now I'm crying again.

Carina said...

Holy crap! The Krispy Kreme is gone! I remember the joy and celebrations when it opened. Dude, it's a dark day for Michigan.

What are the odds we'll get a Tim Hortons there instead?

That has to be the worst year for Grange. I mean, some totally crazy crap's beat you out in the past, but a freakin' fun fur scarf?! Was the judge related to the knitter? Was she high (and not on anything good)?

You totally should boycott them from now on. They don't have judges that know anything. At all.

Linda said...

Grrrrr! Somebody better hold me back cuz the meds ain't working so good today. No donuts! and then 3rd place behind fun fur??? They are SO glad I'm 739.68 miles away. WTF? it's only 12 and a half hours, I can still be this pissed when I get there!
Holly, you hat is ROCKIN'! Knit on Girl! Knit on!

tracyb said...

robbed, I tell you! Fun Fur? At least you can be openly proud of your Foliage, I think it should've won!

Susie said...

I love that hat! Do you have the pattern for it listed someplace? I'd love to make it for myself!

Holly Bee said...

Hey, thanks for all the support friends. I'm just not doing that again...I hear from reliable sources it's been the same judges for the last 4 years "so they know all the Granges and all the people" Nice

Anyway, Susie...the hat is Foliage from knitty.

It's fun, for lace, because it's large yarn. There's actually 2 versions, my hat is the smaller weight yarn version.

That reminds me...I have some orange malabrigo to make a fall hat.

Kim said...

OH NOOOOOOO! Not a fuzzy pink something-or-other! This definitely called for a donut run - crud! The judging had to be rigged!

Carina said...

Well, the judging's been crap for the last four years. They obviously aren't judging the knitting but instead something else they're not telling anyone else about. I'd put money on it that the reason they were low on knitting this year is exactly because of their judging. Time for a knitting takeover!