Sunday, October 19, 2008

One Black Suit

One black suit.
That's all you need for a Halloween Costume.

Invest, swipe from someone's closet, go to nearest Goodwill and purchase. But really, one black suit, so many options...

1. Zombie-
Zombies normally originate as humans, humans who were alive and now are well, dead, but reanimated. Often come from fresh from the grave. What are humans often buried in?

ONE BLACK SUIT!!

Now, swiped or Goodwill acquired suit is best for this...

Imagine you used your zombie strength to rip free from your coffin-
READ-RIP SHOULDER SEAMS OF SUIT-leave stringy for effect

You had to claw your way through the dirt to get to the lovely smell of the one thing you want-Scantily Clad Hot Chicks and BRAINS!!!
READ-DIG HOLE-ROLL SUIT IN HOLE-wear suit for this step is optional

You probably get hit by a car at some point, your arm is dislocated, and your leg is broken, like grody bone through skin broken.

READ-MESS UP SUIT MORE-CUT WITH STEAK KNIFE-RUB GARBAGE ON IT

Now, get out your old Robert Smith make up and you're ready to go!

2. The Blues Brothers!!!

What did Jake and Elwood own?

One black suit jacket, one pair black suit pants. One hat.

But you are going to have to be ready. I mean READY. All night. You can not falter. When someone says "I bet these cops got SCMODS"

You better either say "SCMODS?" or "State County Municipal Offender Data System" and not "HUH?"

3. Mr. Pink


or any Reservoir Dog, but please no ear slicing.


Actually what was with 90's movies and ears? Blue Velvet, was that the 80's? Am I making myself really old?

4. Men in Black

Look, another I can't help it if you need a buddy to get a suit for some of these. It's better than trying to talk your friend into wearing the golden bikini or don the wookie suit again.

5. Sarah Silverman

Well, all you need is a dirty mouth (check), potty humor (check) and tell everyone you're uh, dating Matt Damon. Yeah, I got this one covered.

I wonder if she's dressing up as a Midwestern Mother of Three who Knits and Slays Zombies for Halloween this year? The outfit for that...Levis and a t shirt...oh, and a kicky orange sweater, plus snot, lot's and lot's of snot.






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