Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I am a Dancing Fool

So you know I was dancing in the dancing in the kitchen.

I did mention I dance poorly, but I didn't mention what I did. You see I was baking, and taking photos of the Zombie Bread, and thinking about Science, and Robert Plant, and world peace.

Because of all this, uh, thinking, I ended up at the Dr's office, then at the mall, then making $25. Only here, at Knit with Snot, and where the Portal to the Alternate Universe has been set free...

After the Dr's office, I went to the mall to do a little Mall Walking to kill some time before picking up Pig 3. Note I said mall walking and not shopping. Yeah, the Ogre has put a ban on all shopping. For the whole sob story, hop on over to the 49th Dimension. It's too sad and full of whining to relive it here.

While I was Mall Walking I caught up with a group of real Walkers. Now these guys weren't really out for exercise, they were more out for ladies, and people watching, so they were actually walking my speed.

They were talking about injuries, and explaining to me why they had to exercise. You know the usual, post heart surgery, need to lose weight, looking for wife #4, stuff like that. So they asked me why I was walking.

"Oh, I was dancing, and I got hurt."

This one guy with a plaid fedora got all excited and said "exotic?"

In my mind dirty dancing to Led Zeppelin for the oven could be consider exotic, so I answered "yes."

Now, to them I suddenly went from regular chick mall walking in blue jeans, a sweater, and a down vest to hot exotic dancer.

Then of course they wanted to know what my injury was.

"Whiplash"

The fedora guy didn't even blink, he just pulled out his wallet and handed me a fiver.

I was like "uh, what's this for?"

He said "You are a true artist and deserve to be tipped."

The rest of the guys pitched in and I ended up with $25. I felt awkward, but hey, I brought joy into their lives. Mine too.

Not a bad haul for what really happened...

I was practicing my dancing in the kitchen as earlier noted. Now the Ogre does not like Led Zeppelin, which further proves he has no soul, but he got me the box set for the Holidays.

So I was in the kitchen listening to Custard Pie and my ass got the better of me and I tipped over, slammed the oven into the wall and gave myself a dance related injury. My Dr then said "You don't have to go to physical therapy, you just can't dance like a stripper for the kitchen applicances for awhile."



6 comments:

dee's brother said...

I must commend the Ogre! Holly...Credit Cards are the root of all evil and fund the zombie underworld. My better half and myself thrust the evils of credit cards away many many years ago. And besides....you of all people should know....when you have credit card debt....you're just helping to bloat corporate america!

Kristina B said...

You are way over the top, Holly!!! Do you want some stripper lessons? (how do you think I paid for law school?)

Carina said...

Only you, Holly, only you. I'm crying over here, I'm laughing so hard.

I hope to get there tonight--I caught whatever David had yesterday (and is home sick today with), and I feel like crap (better now having read your post). If I come, I can tip with MexiCokes. :)

Anonymous said...

*sigh* I miss that box set...I got it for Justin Kasper way back in the day and then his dad threw it across the room or something, I dunno - but you should definitely let me rip it :)
love
kat

wendy said...

Oh, man! No one could make this stuff up...way to go!

Tracey said...

OH MY!! You make me laugh!! That poor stove! ;-)